The whole story
by The Masked Lau
Summary: Aragorn and Legolas set out on a fateful hunting trip. What will become of our two heroes? Will they ever be seen again? Or will they drive each oter crazy before the hunt is over?
1. Oh for the love of a good setting

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. NONE I TELL YOU! Well, maybe the frogs.

A.N. This is my first fanfiction so don't laugh at me. Actually, please laugh, because this is a funny story. Please review but don't flame unless it's really really bad, like go-hide-under-a-rock-for-eternity-because-you-suck bad. This chapter is really short, but if people like it I will write longer chapters.

Chapter 1 - Oh for the love of a good setting

"One dark and stormy night...well, it wasn't that dark, just cloudy. And there was only a itsy bitsy wind blowing not anythng bigger. Anyway, there was a dank smell on the wind...well, considering this story is set on a cliff next to a bog that's not at all suprising. Well I lie, it was more of a hill than a cliff, and it wasn't even a bog, just a bit of damp grass with a few disorientated frogs in it."

"LEGOLAS!" shouted Aragorn, "if this story dosn't kill me from sheer boredom, then old age will!"

"Fine, I'll just stop now before you wet yourself shall I?" muttered an obviously hurt Leggy.

"Look, sorry I yelled but you were really just waffling, you know?"

"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm....waffles...."

"Ugh!"

"Well can I tell you about my first love then, Mister Aragorn?" inquired Legolas.

"IF, and it's a big IF, you don't have any problems with the setting."

"It's not like I could easily forget is it?"

"Well I suppose not...."

"It was a long long time ago. I can still rember how the sight of my love would send shivers down my spine. I was running along the bank of a little stream, I was so happy that I didn't see the dam, I just ran straight in. It was so cold and so deep. I was being swept away by the current of the damn dam. All of a sudden, something grabbed my hair and yanked me to the surface. It was a branch and my hair had saved me!!. From that moment on I never let my hair out of my sight. Isn't that right hair, yes it is, yes it is!!" Legolas made kissy noises to his hair.

"My gosh," said Aragorn as he tuned out the baby talk flowing from Legolas's mouth. Aragorn was quickly starting to regret going huning with the prince of Mirkwood. "No wonder he's not married."


	2. To jump or not to jump?

Disclaimer: None of these wonderful characters are mine, none of them, not even one......................

A.N. This is a slightly longer chapter than my previous one, but no less funny, I hope. Please be nice as it is still my first story thingy and I'm not very good at writing yet. Sorry for any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors.

Chapter 2 - To jump or not to jump?

"Jump," said Leggy.

"No," replied Aragorn.

"Why not?" Leggy inquired, "we both know that jumping off cliffs greatly boosts self morale."

"Does not."

"Does to."

"Not."

"To."

"Not."

"Look, a distraction!" said Legolas.

"Where, WHERE?!" screeched Aragorn.

"Right there," said Leggy. And with one swift push Aragorn was launched into space.

"Booya!!" the hobbits chanted.

"WHAT? THERE BE YE NO HOBBITS IN THIS STORY!" yelled a slightly put out prince of Mirkwood. And in a magic rain of mushrooms the hobbits were gone.

"Well," said Aragorn, "that was an odd turn of events."

"ARGHHHHH!" said Leggy just before fainting.

Two seconds later..

"I thought I pushed you over the cliff?" Legolas calmly asked.

"Oh you did, but I didn't think that it was in my best interest as king of Gondor to die falling.....that was sooooo Denethor's thing."

"Who cares, kingy boy, in all this surprise I have gotten a split end, A SPLIT END!!! Quick, to the hair mobile!!!"

-Two hours later-

"Thanks for the double mocha suprise with extra suprise, girls!!" said a newly festooned Leggy."I always feel beter for having a good day at the hair mobile".

"That," said a pale and trembling king Aragorn,"Was THE most frightening ordeal of my life!!"

"Even more frightening then that time when you accidently burned Elronds eyebrows off?"

"Much more so."


	3. Sheer madness

Disclaimer: LotR not Lau's.

T.A.B.F.N. (The Author's Best Friend's Notes) As poster of this chapter, I feel the urge to say something. Make a little speech, as it were. This chapter is mostly dialogue, and very WEIRD with many exclamation marks to follow. If you have any concerns about the sanity of the author, please do not hesitate to contact either herself (though she may not be in a fit state of mind at the time) or myself (same as previous).

P.S. Rent/buy TROY today.

P.P.S. I am known of as Atanvarne, for those wishing to praise (or insult) me for updating in Lau's stead.

Chapter 3 - Sheer madness

We join our heroes as they set out for, well, I don't know where they're setting out for. But they're setting out.

"Well" asked Legolas, patting his silken locks lovingly.

"Well what" replied Aragorn, regarding his own dirty, matted hair with contempt.

"Where are they"

"Where are what"

"You know what I'm talking about"

"No I don't."

"Stop that"

"Stop what"

"Lying"

"I'm not lying"

"You're doing it again"

"What"

"LYING"

"I'm not lying"

"Then tell me where they are."

"Where what are"

"The PUPPIES"

"Puppies? This whole thing was about PUPPIES"

"Yes, where are they"

"I don't know, Legolas"

"You don't"

"NO"

"Oh, sorry."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Legolas"

"Yes, Aragorn"

"Why are you licking that toad"

Legolas examined the victim in question. "I honestly don't know."

"Okay then."

"ORCS"

"Where? Where"

"I don't know."

"Legolas"

"Yes, Aragorn"

"Could you please put the toad down"

"I can't."

"Why not"

"I superglued it to my hand."

"Why would you do that"

"I'm not sure, where did I find superglue in Middle Earth"

"I DON'T KNOW"

"Look, a fish"

"You're standing in the middle of a river, Legolas. What did you expect"

"ORCS"

"Stop that"

"No, really, look! ORCS"

"Quick, shoot them"

"I can't."

"Why not"

"I have a toad superglued to my hand"

"How have you survived these thousands of years"

"I don't know, honest I don't."

"I'm worried."

"What about"

"The orcs rushing towards us."

"Never fear! I'll shoot them"

Legolas shot them.

"How did you do that? I thught you had a toad superglued to your hand"

"Now why would you think that"

"I have no idea" a bemused Aragorn said as they continued on their journey to wherever they're going.


	4. piñata, piñata

Disclaimer: Okay, well, lets just say that….ummm… I own nothing and will never own anything if my bank continues to rip me off.

AN: Okies, first time I have ever done this without first emailing everything to my friends and getting them to do it all for me : ) Well, read on and please enjoy.

'Stop right now, thank you very much, I need somebody with a human touch.'

Legolas was singing with great mirth and gesturing with much gusto at Aragorn.

'I whish you would shut up, I really do.' Aragorn muttered through clenched teeth.

'Singing boosts troop morale you maggot! Now drop and give me twenty!' Was the response to that rather snide comment.

'Nice healthy army… songs perhaps, but the.. Spice Girls?….. Now that's just not funny unless you're… a half witted elf… prince who hasn't the slightest…. idea what a good song… sounds like.' Aragorn huffed in-between his twenty push-ups.

The two wanders continued their wandering until such a time as they wandered across a rather interesting lump of coal.

'What a rather interesting lump of coal!' Legolas exclaimed.

'Yes, it is rather isn't it? Aragorn replied.

'Why it looks just like my hair after a really windy day, all sleek and shiny, so perfect and smooth….' Legolas drifted off into a dream like state and Aragorn promptly ran off into the bushes acting like a crazed Looney. Heck, after all that time with Legolas he was a crazed Looney.

'That's odd,' said Aragorn, 'I could've sworn I just heard some one call me a crazed Looney…'

'But you are a crazed Looney you fool!' Shouted Legolas

'AHHHHHHHHHHH I THOUGHT I LEFT YOU STAREING AT SOME PRETTY COAL YOU GREAT ELEPHANT TURD!' Aragorn screamed right back at him.

'Oh, you did. I just followed the odd voice proclaiming you a crazed Looney and then it was easy to find you. Not many raving mad men live in these parts.'

'Right on brother! And may the great salmon of ponchos protect us all to the coming of the great slide and hail of the little wing nuts!' A dirty old man with a sock on his head proclaimed, rather loudly as well I might add.

'Who was that?' a quivering Aragorn asked

'Oh, just a raving mad man, not many of those in these parts…'

'Unless we count you.' Aragorn muttered unde his breath.

'We could count you as well you know.' Legolas retorted

'Damn stupid elf half wit, don't know why I even took him on this trip, he's an idiot who can't half kill an orc. And he's always fussing over his hair which is really frustrating…' Aragorn muttered under is breath.

'I can hear you, you do realise that don't you.' Legolas said. 'And why would I want to only HALF kill an orc, that's just plain stupid. Much like your red turtle neck ensemble you wore to your coronation.' Fashion tips were becoming increasingly common on this journey.

'Legolas, will you please just shut up? I mean really.' By this stage Aragorn was beginning to resemble the shade of red that the afore mentioned top was. 'In fact, I'm going home now.

Aragorn promptly turned around and started walking back to Gondor, this was before Legolas smacked him on the back of the head with a mullet, shoved him in a sack and hung him from a tree and began hitting him with a large stick shouting 'piñata, piñata' at the top of his voice. Of course at that stage Aragorn was unconscious inside a sack, hanging of a tree and been hit by an elf prince who was shouting 'piñata, piñata.' At the top of his voice.


End file.
